Articles
Overcoming Conflict (part 1)
What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? (James 4:1)
James poses a penetrating question to consider when we are not at peace with others. In those times we naturally wonder, “why do my spouse and I fight all the time?” Or, “why can’t I get along with my co-workers or boss?” Or, “why am I so easily sucked into heated debates with others about political, social, or religious issues?” Where do all our conflicts come from? And how can we find peace in such a world saturated in conflict?
James challenges us to look at ourselves before blaming others. When a conflict arises, our self-defense mechanism immediately springs into action, causing us to assume the other person is at fault for their insensitivity or judgmental attitude. The truth is, however, there is more going on than one person’s selfishness—we are the other “self.” Conflicts arise when the sin of selfishness enters the picture.
This is not always true. Some disagreements are innocent misunderstandings (Joshua 22) or differences of judgment or opinion in which neither party may necessarily be wrong (Acts 15:39). But here, James is confronting a situation we are all too familiar with—a battle of “you versus me,” where truth and harmony are no longer important, where winning the argument or gaining an advantage is the only thing that matters. Sadly, we rarely recognize when this happens to us because we too blinded by our own pride.
In the context of this passage, James exposes two manifestations of selfishness that breed conflict: jealousy and ambition (James 3:14, 16). The first is an “I-don’t-want-you-to-have” mindset that results in hatred (the beginning of murder) and quarrelling (James 4:2). The second is “I-want-to-have” thinking and does no less damage to our relationships with our fellow-man and God (James 4:3-4). Both are the two faces of the same problem: pride. If we only think of our desires and needs, at some point they are going to clash with someone else’s, and this is the spark that sets the fuel on fire.
So, the first step in finding peace with others is removing the root cause, namely the prideful sin in our own lives: bitterness, lust, anger, gossip, arrogance, vengefulness, lack of compassion, etc. This requires a painful honesty, both with ourselves and with others.
Is my home not a place of peace because I have let bitterness build up against my spouse or children? Am I always at odds with those I work with because I envy their recognition or accomplishments? Am I subconsciously eager to engage in debates with others (on social media, for example) because I desire the satisfaction of feeling that I’ve proven myself right and another wrong?
We can all think of reasons why we are not the problem. Probably, others are contributing just as much (or more) to create conflict. But it will never be resolved by pointing fingers at others—we must begin by looking in the mirror and adjusting what we see staring back at us.
